the new life

i got my haircut just now! yes, and i got a cheap watch. yay. ok, my stomach is growling now! in order not to eat food at such an hour, i shall go and sleep. i didnt finish so much homework. oh no! :x

IM SO HUNGRY! :(

(SHIANe,1:10 AM)

im in school now waiting for chinese lesson, which starts like around 45 minutes later. cherrie and ji sun have already gone home! :(

im actually using C19, which is like, totally isolated from the other computers in the first floor of the library. my back i facing the whole library and i think if the people behind me strain their eyes, they would be able to see what im actually typing. lols. :D ok la, there is nothing much to type also, and i dont even know whether im allowed to access blogger though this computer. it's pentium 4, but it's more lag than my pentium 2 comp at home. so sad right!

how i wish i got a laptop, then i can make use of the plugs and the wireless in school. there are so many plugs in school just waiting for the laptops to be plugged in! :( ok, that was a totally random thought. bored mah, then will think random things. : it's so boring! i think i may watch youtube later, since this comp is muted. YES, I WILL WATCH BLEACH NOW! hope the librarian doesnt come down. :X

(SHIANe,2:37 PM)

we had a fire drill in AJC today! lol~ and it was during the break right after our GP lecture.. to think that i was already the first in queue and about to choose what i wanted to eat. the alarm sounded really irritating, and most of the students didnt bother bout it, they continued with they were doing. only when the second alarm sounded did we go to the field. -_- it was scorching hot la! after standing under the sun for so long, i still didnt get any tan! :(

right, after everything, we skipped civics and ate in the canteen. vincent sounded quite angry when he "confronted" us(ji sun, cherrie, xiuwen and me). oh well, i dont think it would make much difference even if we were there. :P maths lecture was quite fun! i dont want to go too much into details la. lols.

for chem tutorial right, we had new groups. i am in the same grop as farhana, chin kim, jie lin. diversity of classes! :D farhana's chem is so good la, i should feel demoralized. :X i think i got the lowest grade among my grp. that's beside the point. i want to say that, throughout the chem tutorial, i was laughing away. and it was all pervert's fault. lols. just looking at the face makes me want to laugh my head off, then when i see cherrie laughing, i really cannot control my laughter! i think some peeps were thinking that we were nuts or something. and even vincent, who was sitting at the other end of the class noticed us laughing. -.-" pervert's face really is funny la! cannot take it. (PERVERT'S NAME IS THUS SO TO PROTECT HIS IDENTITY)

besides chem tutorial, make-up pe was so funny also la. went for make-up pe with joleen and xiu wen. xiuwen was so funny can! :D ok la, just in case she reads this entry and go HAO YI SI. i shall not make fun of her here. :X

alrightey, i shall be updating till here. i wanna go and bathe and do my homework!

(SHIANe,9:25 PM)

it's early in the morning, and im feeling quite pissed off by my brother and my mother. isaac had asked me to help wake my brother up for service later, and out of the kindness of my heart(LOL), i went to wake him up. and GUESS WHAT? my brother hit me and hurled vulgarities at me! bloody hell. that fecking asshole. pisses me off totally! if there is no reason, i would NEVER EVER enter his damn smelly room. $%$%^&^&^%&

as for my mum, she was quite buay song that i paid 8 bucks for the settlers' cafe combined cell group yesterday. so this morning, bright and early, she started harping on it. and she said that, just because i paid 8 FRIGGIN BUCKS, im obsessed with my religion, and im an EXTREMIST?! come on la, i dunno whether to laugh or to cry at this comment. im quite FAR FAR FAAAAAR from being obsessed with my religion! : i really have no idea what's going through my mum's head la. i do know what goes through my brother's head: AIR.

oh well. actually i was so motivated to do my homework.. but now im feeling so pissed off. shall go and take a cooling down bath.

(SHIANe,9:11 AM)

i had really liked my previous blogskin cos it looks so cool, so why did i change it still? well, this morning, ok, since it's already 2am, YESTERDAY morning, xiu wen and xiao min told me that they cannot access my blog. i think there had to be some problem but i dunno what, so i shall try to solve it by changing the blogskin first. APPRECIATE LA LAO PO & ER ZI. that is, if they can come into my blog. :D

anyways, TGIS! thank goodness it's saturday! but im going to be out the whole day, which means that i cant do my homework. :( sheeeeeesh, it's going to be like that every saturday? i really hope not! CG tmr is going to be at settlers' cafe at holland village, and each of us have to pay 8 bucks. a bit ex la, and if i go to CG, i wont be able to watch pirates of the caribbean. feel a bit sickened, cos i've been wanting to watch that movie for quite some time. :( tt means i have to save up to watch a movie. or wait till the VCD comes out and go rent it! booohooo. :'(

been watching bleach these past 2 days. WHY? i have already caught up with naruto.. so now i cant watch on a daily basis, can only wait after it premieres in japan, then i can watch it afterwards. so now im watching bleach~ really damn nice la. nxt time i will try full metal alchemist. ;) my sis is addicted to bleach too can? cos it's so funny, and nice, and nice, and nice. :D

alrightey, i shall update till here. :)

(SHIANe,2:07 AM)

i'm like so damn brave can? i donated blood today! xD yong sen said that the needle was as thick as a yakult straw, and i dont know whether to believe him or not, since he's always crapping. actually i had been more scared of the blood test, cos i feel that my fingers are more sensitive. the blood test was damn fast la, just knew that the nurse kept squeezing out drops of blood. she dropped one drop of blood into this blue solution and the blood turned into something like droppings! it didnt dissolve leh! quite amazing la. ;D

lucky i had aloysius and sheng zhong very near me, then they could distract me from thinking bout the needles. and the nurses were so nice too! :D i cannot bluff that there is no pain, but the pain is quite instantaneous. after that, u just feel something stuck in ur arm and that's all. lols. after the blood test, they still give u drinks and food, and a stress ball and a cute bandage. MINE IS ORANGE!

yes yes, orange bandage. JUST LOOK AT THE BANDAGE. if only i had paint, i would decorate my face. :) yea.

TODAY, we had the AJE farewell party also. although the turnout rate was like, very pathetic, but we managed to finish all the food. :P and i kinda had fun. so all's well that ends well. im glad everything's over. now we can set our sights on something else instead of going to the supermarket everyday to buy stuff and check prices. :P WOOHOO.

thinking of not going to school tmr. OH YA, i have more pictures of the blood donation before and during. yep, i will get thomaline and aloysius to send me the pictures. :D

(SHIANe,8:37 PM)

today i had quite a bad case of monday blues and i didnt feel like going to school at all la. :( oh well, i still went to school in the end, and i had an okay day.

there is going to be a's chinese listening comprehension tmr! and new south wales english too. xiu wen and me are thinking of skipping the new south wales competition thingie altogether, since we are going to be released RIGHT AFTER the listening comprehension which is only 45 minutes. the new south wales competition thing starts at a friggin 4.30pm or something ard that. so late la, i dont want to go!

wednesday, im thinking of going for the blood donation drive. i've already got mum to sign the consent form and everything, im just so afraid of seeing blood la. i think i will faint once i see blood, and NEEDLES. we have to take a blood test first before we actually donate blood. double needles! :S yeah, there is a chance i may back out. i would rather do flag day somewhere than donate blood actually. i'll wait and see. :)

alrightey, i shall be updating till here. weird enough, im actually looking fwd to tmr. dont ask me why, im weird. :D

(SHIANe,5:59 PM)

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself

Cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard

I've learned the hard way

To never let it get that far

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake

A smile, a laugh everyday of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid

I watched you die

I heard you cry every night in your sleep

I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

And now I cry in the middle of the night

For the same damn thing!

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you I am afraid

(SHIANe,1:49 AM)

You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attention
In fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on you
You need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivial
And it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you acheive

You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energy
You posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to define
A natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles.
Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally!

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Your #1 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

What's Your Personality Type?

took this test from school's mass civics, and online. both results turned out the same. im a pure ENFP. LOL.

Your EQ is

140
50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

(SHIANe,10:04 PM)

YESSSSSS! tmr's friday! WOOHOO. ;D

anyway, had the a's chinese orals today. totally sucked, couldnt bring my point across fluently. oh well, just glad that i got this over with. nothing much happened today la actually. i SO love mrs goh, our maths relief teacher can!! she is so nice, and she teach well, she actually released the whole class early by ard half an hour just because the ppl who take chinese have orals. damn nice la she! away with j seow! :x and i like mrs tan as the pw teacher too! :D all of them are nice, and all of them only teach the J2 batch. arrrrgh. jameson was in the same train as me, xiu wen and xiaomin when we were going home. he actually said that the teachers that we have now pale in comparison to the J2's teachers. sheesh.

alrightey. later i still have to go and check the price for several things, and i still gotta do my history essay outline. :(

thank goodness it's going to be friday tmr! heehee~ :)

(SHIANe,6:19 PM)

this morning, i suffered from a pretty embarrassing incident la. every morning, the train would always be damn crowded with whatever ppl going towards the orchard direction via woodlands. so, i was standing right at the other end, leaning against the door. when the train reached YCK, i tried to alight, but there were just SO many ppl that the door closed on me.

i panicked la, and tried to rush for it. in the end, i was stuck between the doors! the force of the doors were really strong, and my arms were red. the door did open a bit, but not enough for me to get fully out, so my bag was stuck. FORTUNATELY the ppl in the train helped to push my bag out, or else i would have been dragged along the platform and die a terrible death. you could have seen me on headlines tonight or something. :D

we found out our posts for EXCO today, and i got publicity manager and head of cafe. quite slack la, publicity manager. just have to go up to the porch during morning assembly and make annoucements when necessary. not too bad. there are more things to do for cafe, but i have xin xuan to help me. WHEEEE.

cca was until 6 plus, cos we still had to do stock take and stuff. took the train home with xiaomin, xinxuan, wansu, kim sen, aaron and shimin. the train-ride was so fun-filled, loads of jokes and stuff. and got to know that xin xuan has 2 dogs and kim sen has a dog! woooooah. their dogs both VERY cute, i got them to send the pics to my hp. :) yea.

i got loads of homework to do, so i better not update anymore. ;)

(SHIANe,9:02 PM)

ok, actually the june holidays ended long ago, but i only felt that the lessons are back to normal only today, so i titled my entry like that. :D

today had actually been a long day, and i had been SOOOO tired! i almost died during maths lecture because i yawned every 5 seconds and i was already "crying". throughout the maths lecture i didnt absorb much cos i was just so tired la, and i only managed to get some energy during history lecture. surprising eh?

history make-up lecture ended at 6 plus, and we got back our history papers. without doing one question worth 25 marks, i still managed to get 13 out of 50. im pretty sure i got the lowest in level, considering there are only 50+ ppl taking H2 history? oh well whatever. i'll make sure i do all questions nxt time! ok, so now im back home, but there are so many things to do la. im so dead can!

MUST JIAYOU! :)

(SHIANe,8:28 PM)

loads of love to everyone who made my day(s), all the way from friday till now. after 2 days of dwelling in sadness, im feeling so much better. :) for the past 2 days, i had been thinking over so many things and i try not to think of some of them. i worried over many things too, and im still worrying about them now. if you ask me to name out whatever i have been thinking or worrying about, i wont be able to name any of them. my brain is in such a messy state right now, im afraid i will go nuts sooner or later. oh well, it wont be so soon if im really going nuts.

went for the 4p3 outing on 8th july. i really really enjoyed myself! :D peeps who turned up included: ME, huiying, siewfong, tianbee, keatwin, tammi, charmaine, valerie, belinda, shufen, jason, raymond, yuxuan, eddy, zhiwei, weihong, ruijie, yikuan and jih huan! 19 ppl, not too bad for an outing, half of us turned up. at loh's hse, we watched "hide and seek"! is quite nice, and damn spoiler la can, loh bought pirated dvd, then we couldnt see the ending! spoiler. :( some of the guys played soccer on PS2 then they were making so much noise(quotes them: "GOAL! GOAL! GOOOOAL!")

after that we (17 of us + mr loh) went to newton circus hawker for dinner. wow, i like the fried kway tiao and the popiah!! mr loh treated us to sugar cane and oyster omelette. super nice dinner. :D siewfong, tianbee and i bought quite a lot of food, but in the end we each paid only 4 bucks. cheap la, that's the advantage of sharing.

POOL AT CINELEISURE! ok la, my skills are only average, but i just love pool! :D siewfong, valerie, belinda and keatwin went shopping while the rest of us went to K-pool for pool. lol. jih huan so li hai la, he's my grandson and shifu!!! ;D we played for quite a couple of hours, cos pool is so addictive. i can play for 24 hours if pool is free(and food is provided) okay. :X yep, then went home with jih huan and yi kuan. FUN! i love 4P3 and i love POOL. :D

thanks valerie for organizing the outing!

(SHIANe,1:22 AM)

everything is going to depend on time. time may or may not give me a chance..

this time, i cant save myself. im going, and soon i will be gone.
im glad there are still friends, whether they're true friends, distant friends, they are the ones who help me live. im glad that i have a family, my family keeps me happy, most probably because they do not know what im going through. they dont know bout my disappointment, my sadness, and i'll make sure they wont ever know. i dont want to disappoint my parents, i've already disappointed myself so greatly.

im going to try and pick myself up. but it's tough, because time is going to decide my fate. i cant do much, all i can do is continue the fight. i cant give up now, can i?

(SHIANe,8:11 PM)

today had been a horrible day. i just realised i dont have a friend i can turn to when to share a lot a lot of my problems. when can i find someone who's willing to give me a listening ear?

phuck it.

(SHIANe,9:34 PM)

im done with the econs online stuff! now im left with the printing of GP stuff, and the maths corrections which have to be handed in tmr. woots. gonna finish them tonight when i get home. :)

(SHIANe,12:54 PM)

yes, tmr's a holiday only for our school. :D but right, the stupid school assigned some IVLE stuff for us to do! so yeah, gotta complete my econs online assessment between 9am and 12pm tmr! that applies to all other AJCians too, and the school said that they are testing out the online system to see whether it can tolerate heavy traffic in case of pandemics and we may have to stay at home. RIGHT. just another excuse to make us do work right?

today, we were released at a friggin' 11.45am, cos Mr Seow had something on, then we dont have maths tutorial! ya la, release so early also no use, we had to wait till like 12.15 before the security guard would let us out of the gate. xiuwen, xiaomin, cherrie, gladis, jisun, seying and me went to NYP to eat lunch, and they went aaaaaall the way to the south canteen! i walked to the south canteen with them, and later walked to YCK mrt station to get something from my mum, and walked back to the south canteen! like waddahell. :( so wanna thank my mum for travelling all the way to YCK just to pass me $5 to top up my card la. THANKS MUM, I LOVE YOU! :)

after eating lunch, we hanged ard the police exhibition outside the auditorium of NYP, and there were police dogs! :D they're sooo cute can! i love the german shepherd! :D suddenly i wanted to be a K-9 trainer ok, lol. was so damn inspired la, dogs are ultra cool. GERMAN SHEPHERDS! GOLDEN RETRIEVERS! SIBERIAN HUSKIES! i just love big dogs. ok la, and JAPANESE SPITZ! cos my neighbour's dog's a jap spitz. and POMERANIAN! and (starts naming all other dogs!) yeah, dogs are cool. i may be a dog trainer nxt time! ;)

right, for AJE, the J2's are going to leave soon. am so going to miss mother hen and papa rooster. :( we're planning something for them, hope that it will turn out successful. gotta hand in the proposal nxt tuesday. :x

(SHIANe,7:07 PM)

what can i say? first day back at school and im already so dead beat! but im just glad the day had been over, finally putting a full-stop to the whirlwind lessons today.

had all the history that i could ever have asked for in my life, got back some papers. alright, the results were much much worse than dismal. with this kind of results at the EOY, i tell you, i would be hanging out with the year ones next year.

so looking fwd to thursday and saturday! :)
tmr is going to be another tiring day.

(SHIANe,10:33 PM)

lydia, so paiseh that i actually put ur link wrongly! i've already changed it, so yup!

was discussing the GP project with xiaomin and xiuwen just now, and i reminded them(and myself) of the long school day accidentally! :( we actually have afternoon pe, and after afternoon pe, we have make-up tutorial until 7.15pm in the evening? so we're going to stay in school for 12 friggin' hours. isnt that going to be the BEST DAY EVER? :(

oh well. at least i have my friends to accompany me through! tmr is such a saddening day! :(

(SHIANe,11:35 PM)

wow, i got a new record for my sleeping hours! i should have slept a further 5 hours and my mum would think im dead or something. :x

right after a truly cool service yesterday, i had stayed back for lunch with the CG, and later had BS with sister benny until around 2.40pm. there was a dog fair at the expo and there were oh so many dogs can! i just love dogs. :D there was a "chihuahua club" where 7 chihuahuas had their owners in tow. cooool right? :) i took a pic of a really really gigantic dog who has that majestic feel and can appear in Chronicles of Narnia to replace that lion anytime! GIANT DOG. :

it was already 4 plus by the time i reached home. and being very tired, i changed and straightaway went to sleep. i remembered telling my mum to wake me up an hour later. but i guess i didnt respond so she left me to sleep... all the way till 11am this morning! 19 hours! wow. the last record i had was 17 hours i think. let's work towards a super record!

school proper is starting tmr. sheesh. looking forward NOT.

(SHIANe,11:23 AM)

woke up at 12pm today, finally a night's sleep after a week of studying.
actually, i had been really disappointed with the WHOLE mid-years la, even before the results are back, because i know i cannot expect too much. expecting too much brings disappointment. :(

i dont deny the fact that i have left things till the very last minute, but i had spent quite a long time studying for each subject, to the extent that i had sacrificed sleep. there were times when i didnt catch any sleep at all, being very fearful that once i sleep i cannot finish my revision. but when i reached the exam hall, i realised that whatever i had managed to learn, 95% were forgotten already. that's why i was so disappointed la, my short term memory is really getting on my nerves. :x

ANYWAY, going to cell grp today has released me of all my disappointment. i had gone to cell grp with all my disappointment welled up inside me, and i was still feeling so tired even though i had already slept 8 hours. the tiredness was getting the better of me. it's comforting to know that i can share my burden with God, and of course with my friends! :D i managed to cheer up a lot, my friends are really great ppl. ;)

big thank-you to
; farrah and derrick - for bringing cheer to me during our really short outing yesterday. :)
; benny - for praying for me!
; amelie - for treating me to dessert, and chatting with me. :D
; kaikee and isaac - for playing such great music! the music is great la, minusing the off-keys.
; weiqian - for ur concern in messenger even though u were about to go offline.
; cherrie, shuxian and siewfong - for the tags

thanks for making my life so colourful and worth living. :P

(SHIANe,9:36 PM)

exams are over, but i found out that im the one disappointing myself.
history paper was damn demoralising can. i didnt do one whole question worth 25 marks, and the total score for the paper is 50 marks. see the reason why im so disappointed with myself? it's all my own fault, i did my selective learning and i ended up like this. it's too late to regret being the super procrastinator i had been during the holidays.

oh well. time to buck up. there is still hope in the promos.

when im sad, i just need friends to cheer me up. :)

(SHIANe,2:40 AM)