the new life

spent a couple of hours to cool down ystd

cos my mum vented her anger on me

all cos of my bro.

i was rly pissed off. argh.

woke up this morning to a

much much brighter note.

after breakfast and brushing of teeth,

i started on my e maths hwk!

UTTERLY SURPRISING.

either the stress destroyed my brain,

or i have finally decided to work hard.

hur.

i want to thank nadia and von

for your tags. im ok already.

just vent out my probs

on my poor blog

and the nxt day i'll be alright.

i hope.

haha.

oh ya.

trying out fangyee's way of typing.

quite cool huh.

yup.

so fuun.

ok whatever. gtg and finish up

my OTHER homework.

scary.

byes.

(SHIANe,7:02 AM)

all the stress makes me hate school and band.
i had joined band loving it at first
but as time went by the love for it just faded.
band has transformed from something which i really loved in the past to something i hate so much
is it because of sir's never-ending demands
is it because of my inability to adapt
i don't really know the answer
had been trying for a very long time to rekindle the spark for band
but i could only see futile attempts

anyway, went to zhiying's house today
it was actually an attempt to relieve myself of all the stress accumulating
i get headaches really easily nowadays and it sucks. yep.
at zhiying's hse, went online for a while and played final fantasy.
i tried loosening up, but i ended up becoming more stressed out
because i think i had already been late for 3 times and im gonna get detention.
with detention comes demerit points for band and with demerit points for band comes a drop in rank. with detention also comes a missed practice and i think im gonna miss out on a lot of stuff.
argh argh argh.
i always tell myself "loosen up, man. you can always have another extra practice on friday to make it up,
AND
you can earn back the point you lost."
well. i can never relax.
tt's why i am so prone to going nuts cos of STRESS.

had extra prac with jianhui and yuzuo yesterday.
yuzuo made some progress,
but i have a feeling deep inside that yuzuo will probably disappoint me in the next practice.
this feeling is inevitable, looking at the number of times he failed me.
im very scared to go for the next band prac.
well, i cross my fingers and hope that yuzuo wont disappoint me in the nxt band practice. yup.

i just want to have someone i can gush out my probs to.
i want to cry now.
ARGH, FUCK IT.
emotions running high. im not having mood swings now for heaven's sake.
it's STRESS. STRESS. STREESSSSSS. i've been feeling like that since thursday.
wtf. STRESS. i cant cope. help. yay.

maybe i'll feel happier someday...

(SHIANe,12:43 PM)

common tests week over, failed e maths and a maths, passed chem, chinese and english. wonder what will happen to the rest of the papers.

another stressful day of band today, teach yuzuo teach till cry lor. really cry, cos no matter how many times i corrected him, he kept playing the same WRONG thing, he has got no rhythmic sense at all lor. but lucky he is willing to learn, then i kinda forgive him after returning home and reflecting on myself. i feel that the times i break down are the essentials to keeping me cheerful bout life. it is like a routine for band. everytime i will just break down, then after that everything's ok, cos i will either try to solve the prob or dont care bout it anymore. haha. i think i wont be able to achieve my aims of getting 100% attendance ever before i R.O.D. yeeeaaa. im a such a failure at being an SL.

looking on the bright side, which isnt very bright btw, i have to go and distribute flyers after sch tmr! dotz man.. other classes dont even have 10 ppl to go and 4p3 has 19 ppl?! lolz.. yup. after that, im going back to sch to take the bass drummers for extra prac.. i think i can only stay back for my a maths "detention" nxt friday. schedule is extremely packed all the way, once chingay is over i wanna go celebrate. cos there is a very high chance i wont put myself in the 45th annivesary dinner thingie. hehhe~ ^_^ ya, tt's all. i have got to relax.

(SHIANe,12:51 PM)

yea, so i failed my FIRST e maths common test of the year and had to stay back for detention(AGAIN). only 3 ppl failed lorz.. very disappointed with myself. i just cant seem to get cumulative frequency right. weirdo me la. haha.

today had been a pretty ok day. woke up dark and early at 4am to study for a maths. a bit useless la, since i couldnt really do any of the questions in the test. im seriously suffering from stress and lack of sleep. i had managed to pull through in band and at school. when mrs poh had annouced my name to be one of those who failed, my tears welled up. because i thought i could have passed already, but i didnt. i managed to cheer myself up by making others laugh. haha. :x yup. today after recess mrs poh came in a while then went for the match.vball vball so many supporters then bball no supporters at all. a bit contrast eh, bballers squeeze one small small bus, then vball got so many buses lor. really BIG contrast. heh. yup, that was what me and siewfong discussed as we looked out the window at the carpark below. :x siewfong was supposed to be finishing up her english compre while im supposed to do a maths and e maths. haha. well, after all the buses had gone off, we on the radio on siew fong's fone then do homework lor. i didnt bring hp today so cannot listen to radio privately. heh. after sch, everybody streamed home real fast, then i was the only one left in class for my detention. the other 2 failures finished le. sad arh. then i concentrated real well and managed to finish the questions in record time without any help from ed's answers. muahaha. im so damn proud of myself. ^.^

walked really slowly to the bus-stop. all alone. board the bus le, then quite crowded. e.k was in the same bus as me and she called my name real loud. like "YEESHIAN!". haiz. haha. we went to lot one together because the weather was freaking hot and we wanted some air-con. walked for one round and met syahir! we walked ard lot one and went to ntuc to buy edo sushi~ then e.k went for her bethany home thingie while i went home. syahir accompanied e.k to wait for 300. ^.^

reached home le then went to bpplaza to borrow books and buy some stuff. went alone, then quite shuang. met melvin ho and lionel in the library! i didnt notice them until lionel came up to me and said "HAR-lo" then i noticed them. haha. they went bowling again. bowling veh fun meh? haha. :x then i reached home le. bought a kaede keychain! muahaha. gonna hang it on my bag. :D wheee. so excited. ok whatever. im really tired. sleep le. zzzZzz.

(SHIANe,12:45 PM)

yea, so i failed my FIRST e maths common test of the year and had to stay back for detention(AGAIN). only 3 ppl failed lorz.. very disappointed with myself. i just cant seem to get cumulative frequency right. weirdo me la. haha.

today had been a pretty ok day. woke up dark and early at 4am to study for a maths. a bit useless la, since i couldnt really do any of the questions in the test. im seriously suffering from stress and lack of sleep. i had managed to pull through in band and at school. when mrs poh had annouced my name to be one of those who failed, my tears welled up. because i thought i could have passed already, but i didnt. i managed to cheer myself up by making others laugh. haha. :x yup. today after recess mrs poh came in a while then went for the match.vball vball so many supporters then bball no supporters at all. a bit contrast eh, bballers squeeze one small small bus, then vball got so many buses lor. really BIG contrast. heh. yup, that was what me and siewfong discussed as we looked out the window at the carpark below. :x siewfong was supposed to be finishing up her english compre while im supposed to do a maths and e maths. haha. well, after all the buses had gone off, we on the radio on siew fong's fone then do homework lor. i didnt bring hp today so cannot listen to radio privately. heh. after sch, everybody streamed home real fast, then i was the only one left in class for my detention. the other 2 failures finished le. sad arh. then i concentrated real well and managed to finish the questions in record time without any help from ed's answers. muahaha. im so damn proud of myself. ^.^

walked really slowly to the bus-stop. all alone. board the bus le, then quite crowded. e.k was in the same bus as me and she called my name real loud. like "YEESHIAN!". haiz. haha. we went to lot one together because the weather was freaking hot and we wanted some air-con. walked for one round and met syahir! we walked ard lot one and went to ntuc to buy edo sushi~ then e.k went for her bethany home thingie while i went home. syahir accompanied e.k to wait for 300. ^.^

reached home le then went to bpplaza to borrow books and buy some stuff. went alone, then quite shuang. met melvin ho and lionel in the library! i didnt notice them until lionel came up to me and said "HAR-lo" then i noticed them. haha. they went bowling again. bowling veh fun meh? haha. :x then i reached home le. bought a kaede keychain! muahaha. gonna hang it on my bag. :D wheee. so excited. ok whatever. im really tired. sleep le. zzzZzz.

(SHIANe,12:45 PM)

finally, a very very teeny weeny break from the common tests. for the past few nights, i had fallen asleep while doing revision. i seem to sleep better with books ard me. seriously. when i force myself to sleep, i cant sleep at all. hurhur. :x

anyway, the valentine's day this year had been the best ever! woo. i shall nv forget it. :) yea. i was so happy tt day tt i didnt study for twelfth night and ss. haha~ hmm. i had also been busy with band in the past few days. there are a lot of things waiting for me to do, and i guess i have to settle it before i R.O.D. dont leave everything for radiah to do when she takes over later this year.

and guess what. i got back my permutation/binomial theorem test paper today. like wth?! i failed by only 2 pathetic marks. haiz. im already very lucky not to get single digit score. :) yup. and my chem, i didnt get below 10, so dont have to consider dropping the subject. phew. really a sigh of relief. :p

today's band prac wasnt all tt bad. did formation marching, some drum solo, and it was time to "close shop". haha. i learnt the hand gimmick though i dont need to do. ^_^ i miss icy! huuuuur. :p

this part is meant for my blog to understand again : i have a feeling that icy's avoiding me. is he? errrr. so friendly yet so cold... dont know what is happening... hmmmm...

(SHIANe,12:01 PM)

2 words to describe yesterday : ULTRA fun. ^_^

at poh's hse, me huiying siewfong yeeshan yikuan jihhuan zhiwei played card games with stupid punishments because we didnt have the money to gamble. :x the punishments included downing drinks, eating hard new year goodies or trying to swallow big new year goodies. haha. really had fun there. and mrs poh gave us each an angbao! :D

wasted time at bp plaza and set off for loh's hse with yeeshan siewfong huiying tianbee and yikuan.

reached loh's hse. loh not at home yet, so we sat outside the condo waiting for him. lol. we looked like a couple of illegal immigrants. :D mr loh finally returned! went into his house and straight away went to the comp and went to IRC. ;) the despos there in irc arh.. really hopeless. they sent gross photos and talked bout disgusting stuff. lucky i didnt see any of the photos. everyone else did, except me. weeeird. heh. ok whatever. most of the time was spent crowding in tt little room chatting in irc, or playing with loh's cat russell. the cat very anti-social. lol. and it's really fat. fat cat!! hahahaha~ so fun!! lots of 407 peeps + 401's hehe gang arrived at about 5 something? the whole house was bursting with noise and laughter. woo! me sf and tb stayed till 8.30pm, about 5 hours leh! dad "lompang" tb and sf to bukit panjang here then i went home le. managed to finish up a "gong han" before sleeping. :) really had fun. hope nxt year 4p3 can go back to loh's hse and turn it upside down. wheeee~ i shall write till here. have to go back and study! eek. haha.

(SHIANe,7:38 AM)

changed my layout to something simpler, plainer, and less attention-grabbing. the song "yellow" by coldplay was once one of my favourite songs. really nice song. (: yea. school's starting tmr. still have a book review to go, and the CME project proposal, guess i have to get it done too.

can't wait to go to poh's and loh's hse on saturday. guess it's going to be loads of fun, with everyone going to like, turn the houses upside-down? woo. meeting ys, sy, sf and hy at the bp lrt station to go for breakfast first before meeting the others. we have arranged to wear pink tops. i dont think the colour pink fits me, but for the sake of my "beloved grand-daughter and daughter", and not be extra among them. heh.

anyway, the past 2 days of new year had been pretty fun. first day of new year was spent with gran and grandpa. went to bai nian first. i didnt get the angbaos. think my mum was faster than me? alrites. so i forgot bout the angbao, and went to play some bball. some kids there again. haha. shot some baskets, but couldnt really run about since i was wearing long pants. -.-" went back to gran's, and we set off for sentosa! haaha. the whole place was swamped with china chinese on holiday, bangladeshis, tourists. i think we were the only singaporeans, besides the sentosa staff. we had fun watching the musical fountain. it was great! i loved it. then we had a quick look at the flower displays before eating dinner and leaving the still crowded place.

went to grandmother's hse today. woah. i didnt know half the ppl there. so i just smiled and smiled and said nothing. my mum was faster than me in getting the angbaos again. dotss. guess what? i suddenly remember that i had been complaining to farrah last year bout my mum keeping the angbaos. it seem just like yesterday i had said that. time passes really fast huh. this time nxt year i'll most probably be working or something... (:

i really need to sign off now. still have a book review to do. ;;

(SHIANe,12:28 PM)

heyz everyone, happy chinese new year! really cant wait to bai nian and collect the angbaos~ ^.^
yesterday's sch celebration was great, because we ended eeearly. huiying and i walked to lot one comic connection. whee. saw a lot of comics that i wanna buy. hope i dont forget the titles. :x i slept at 3am today, cos i was rushing to finish this book that im going to do a review on, and i was also watching tv. haha~ very crappy shows. :p
im going to my gran's hse later. maybe go and play bball again. heh. cos yesterday i went to gran's hse and i play bball too. played match with the kids there. -.-" i hurt the middle finger on my right hand. youch. i'll update again. byee. ^.^

(SHIANe,3:34 AM)

yesterday's NYJC concert was nice. and RAMU rocks. yaaaay. just in case you're wondering who's ramu.. ramu is this pro percussionist. he really played very well. im sooo envious. the trip to the concert and from the concert was reeeeaaaally very fun! to the concert: zhiwen and wilson bluffed us that the concert venue was at ch9inatown, and me e.k, shirley (the Y.E.S) and shuqin really believed. and we almost alighted at outram park to transfer to the NE-line. -.-" lucky zhiwen stopped us in time, or else i'll be on the platform while all my friends are still in the train. :s yep. when we reached the venue(i forgot what place it is . SCH i think.), a lot of ppl were already there. Y.E.S went on our own to find our own seats. we found these really great seats and decided there and then we wanted them and we just sat down. BUUUUT, a guy had already "chope" place for his 7 other friends. then e.k was like, didnt know what she told the guy la. but me and shirley felt real bad. in the end we just changed place with tt guy so that he could sit with his friends. god knows what happened to his 7 other friends.

the concert was quite nice. i really loved the percussion ensemble. this is one concert when effort was put in to let the percussion section shine. another concert was the sp concert. :) omigosh. the perc section so cute! then very lame-o. just the place for me. ahaha. a joke from the concert : Once, there was a guy named "Joke". He was walking down the stairs when he tripped and fell. Therefore, lame Joke. geddit geddit? haha~ this is my kind of joke. :x AND. ramu! ramu was sooo goood. bai him as shi fu. :x oh ya, and SP's rafaee!! ^.^ bleh.

after the concert, wah. the mrt was SO DAMN full. aiyoyo. i didnt have any pole or whatever to hold on to, then had to do balancing act. -.-" e.k and i were like banished to the other side of the world while the rest were in a group and joking. boo. haha~ alighted at J.E and went to have a drink at a kopitiam before going home lo. took 176 with shuqin, then i slept almost all the way. ~.~ hehe. then ate dinner at 11.30pm. :s ya. tt's all for yesterday.

THIS MORNING! went for a maths tuition early in the morning at 9am. haha~ really tired, cos slept late yesterday. after tuition went to lot one mac's. mel not there yet, so went to jalan jalan. wah. i saw this really nice billabong pencilcase leh. nice sia. too bad im so broke. haiz. mel reached le then started helping me with my incomplete homework. waaah. vectors...... really is dots..... lucky i brought e maths. ^.^ completed quite a number of e maths stuff. yay. the day after tmr mrs poh can call my parents to wish them happy new year and complain bout my a maths homework. yaaaay. haha~ ok. tt's all i wanna write. i still havent taken my lunch yet. wth.

(SHIANe,7:50 AM)

yay. it's finally the long awaited weekend. i dont think it's going to be a very pleasant weekend, but at least there is no band during this period of time, which means that no additional stress besides sch work. :) i feel much much better, because well, im thinking in an optimistic way? haha.

had been really tired after i reached home today. had stayed back after sch to polish the drums. waaaah, the rust was horrible! no matter how i polish the drum still looks -yuck-, so i just have to wait for the rust removal to come befor i can proceed with polishing and cleaning. -.-" i have to finish all of a maths chapter 19 by monday. omigosh. a maths vectors suck. oh yea. of the 2 a maths tests, i failed one pass one. for me, i felt that i passed with flying colours. haha~ 32/40! im really happy bout this result. but im nt very sure bout the permutation and combination test. haha~ i still DONT understand permutation and combinations. :s hope i can understand it soon after some studying!

what im going to write after this is something extra. heh. what will come out of a friendship when one party A waits for the other party B to say "hi" first and B also waits for A to say "hi"? get what i mean. it's like, the person waits for you to say "hi" to him/her before he/she will say "hi" to you and you are also doing the same thing? i feel that im experiencing this right now. arrrggggh. why cant i just say "hi" to bb, but instead pretend that bb's not there..? sad life. ok crap. this last part is meant for my blog to understand. haha.

(SHIANe,2:30 PM)

it seems like the only thing i can pour out my problems to is a blog. yay.

(SHIANe,10:49 AM)